As he lay in bed with the dimunitive but extremely hot Charlotte, Thesis' mind came alive.
He pictured himself striding out in front of a massed hoard of orc warriors, calling out profanities at their chosen champion.
With strength and dexterity he sliced again and again crunching metal, grinding leather, stretching sinew. His viscous sword - a gift from Kord - gleaming and resplendant with the orc champion's blood. Then it was a picture of an angry Calvera and the charge of the army. Thesis turned and fled towards the awaiting trap, the stupid orcs drawn in. Death and destruction reigned.
Then he awoke. And remembered the reality. No heroic exploits for him. Not a single leader killed. Just a handful of smelly orcs cut in half like they were made from foam.
Durin, that upstart of a dawrf dunk his blade into the leader, Kraddo killed the one with mighty flail - hell even the halfling had stories of heroicism he could tell his squirrells.
Thesis would do as he normally did when he next spoke to his father and brothers .... slightly, ever so slightly, stretch the truth.
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11 comments:
"And then I almost fought a Hill giant!"
:)
"And remember the time I almost fought Bailey the fearsome Fighter?"
:)
And don't forget all the times I almost hit an opponent
:)
"And then I bravely hid behind a tree when me encountered the Aranea spider demon."
:)
"And don't forget that time when I retreated from an Owl bear!"
"And the time where I had to heal myself in the middle of the battle because I almost died!"
and the time I laughed at all of you smoking my pipe!
Hey now! I think that next time we play, we ought to give Thesis first action in the first few battles to let him rack up "big" kills.
Of course, given his Leroy Jenkins impression and the resulting fight with Worgs and Goblins in the first adventure, I'm wondering if it's a good idea to risk repeating that with enemies that are a lot more dangerous...
"And, then there was the time I missed the huge Worg and fell over."
If Telfis starts singing "Brave Sir Robin" I'll kill him ...
"And then I bravely fled down a mountain to avoid a pack of Snowlbears!"
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