Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Translations from Bodush' Infernal(Linguistically speaking) Journal

Excerpt:

Day 1:
Aahh.. I can't wait to go to sleep. Today was exhausting. Most of it was spent walking in circles, stopping only for a break when we encountered the undead. We met some zombies, we met some skeletons...we killed some zombies and we killed some skeletons. The undead were dispatched with ease, not even the donkey managed to get into the trouble! I might reconsider stealing some of Telfis' poison to put in its feed.

Still, the look on the the cleric's face as his donkey keels over and dies, would be worth the extra hassle of carting our own gold back to town. It's a good thing he can't read infernal. Come to think of it, it's a good thing none of them can.

My relaxing bouts of watching the stunties have a go at the zombies, were unfortunately interrupted by the halfling's dog. While I must confess that the druid has the right idea, after all one should take every opportunity to have a breather, I am not sure if resting in the path of rampaging skeleton hordes will ultimately be very comfortable. It wasn't for me, I had to actually summon up reserves of arcane energy to blast the skeletons for them. Don't they know I don't get out of bed for less than 500 gp?

Anyway, it is time to go to sleep. I have spent all my magical reserves(or so I am claiming) and need my rest. Let the fighters keep an eye on things...

Update Day 1:
Someone remind me why I am travelling with these guys! They woke me up! Apparently some undead things were approaching our camp. Now, call me dense, but to me it seems pretty obvious that the correct way to deal with undead approaching our camp is to fight them. Let's see, what are Thesis, Kraddo and Durin again? Yep, they are fighters. No need to wake me up for this. Undead are gone. I grumpily rained magic missiles at them before going back to sleep, grumbling something about instant toadhood for the next person to wake me up.


Day 2:
Today is not even over yet and still it is turning out to be the second worst day of my life. Met some hot elf chick on the road, claiming to be a hot elf slavegirl belonging to a spiderdemon of some sort. Apparently my incompetent travelling companions managed to slay one of them earlier this week and the she-elf thought that we could repeat the deed. Absolutely wonderful, we should rename our party 'The One Trick Pony Spiderkillers'. For reasons completely unknown to most of the party(We should have a look at group decision-making dynamics in more detail later), we agreed to help her. The dwarven contingent's attitude towards the fair elven maiden seemed to fluctuate between homocidal mania and more unspeakable sorts of mania, which completely destroyed their credibility when claiming she was an evil traitor who was leading us into a trap.

Because she did lead us into a trap. A trap consisting of one giant spider, several zombies, a dark cave and the most annoying spell in the world. Needless to say, thanks to my efforts, the party survived, and we vanquished the horrible nasty spider demon(again).

Unfortunately, while we were busy killing said horrible nasty spider demon, the hot elven slave girl decided to show her true colours, responding to Telfis' advances by transforming into a giant spider. I wonder what he did to cause that? Perhaps he took Kraddo’s initial suggestion, leading her to transform in self-defence?


Anyway, her general attractiveness much enhanced by the transformation, she seemed to consider eating us…very likely imagining how her mandibles would pierce through our tender flesh, rending our squirming limbs into tiny morsels before delicately inserting them into her dripping maw, slowly extracting every ounce of fluid from our helpless bodies as we begged for release, our muscles taut with…

Mental note: I have been out in the wilderness too long. I really need to get back to Seawell. I could use a recreational visit to Madame Grak’s house of orcish delights. I wonder if the halfling still has some spiders left in her spell component pouch...

3 comments:

Mendez said...

Deviant!

Mendez said...

Also, you met the Araneas on day 4.
2 days were spent travelling uneventfully.

TieDye said...

lol, "stunties"!

Well-written stuff, man. Durin's not the writing sort, but if he were...

"Shape-shifting bitch led us into dark cave of zombies, magical spider demon, and traps. Hilarity ensued."